Blog RSS FeedBulwer-Lytton 2006
The results of the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton “bad first line of a novel” contest are up:
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/
A couple of favorites:
“It was a day, like any other day, in that Linus got up, faced the sunrise, used his inhaler, applied that special cream between his toes, wrote a quick note and put it in a bottle, and wished he’d been stranded on the island with something other than 40 cases each of inhalers, decorative bottles, and special toe cream.”
Chris Harget
Campbell, CA
“Gripping his six-shot Colt Python with 8-inch barrel and Royal Blue finish, and tightening the straps on his Paratec Speed 2000 parachute, Jake leaped from the left aft hatchway of the tumbling, green-and-silver, twin-engined Embraer Lineage 1000, which had seating for nineteen passengers.”
Johnathan Munroe
Halifax, NS
“When Debbie decided that Salt ‘n’ Pepper Beard was the most attractive pirate on the ship, she realized that choosing him was due to the advice of Sylvia, her new Life Coach, to be realistic about her own age and to open herself up to romance where it lay, unlike the troublesome past where she would have wished that only the younger pirates take advantage of her.”
Jim Guigli
Carmichael, CA
“Lisa moved like a cat, not the kind of cat that moves with a slinky grace but more like the kind that always falls off the book shelf when he’s washing himself and then gets all mad at you like it’s your fault (which it wasn’t although it probably was kind of mean to laugh at him like that), although on the bright side, she hardly ever attacked Ricky’s toes in his sleep.”
Debra Allen
Wichita Falls, TX
“Despite the vast differences it their ages, ethnicity, and religious upbringing, the sexual chemistry between Roberto and Heather was the most amazing he had ever experienced; and for the entirety of the Labor Day weekend they had sex like monkeys on espresso, not those monkeys in the zoo that fling their feces at you, but more like the monkeys in the wild that have those giant red butts, and access to an espresso machine.”
Dennis Barry
Dothan, AL
That’s all I’m going to post here. I highly encourage the reading of the whole list. Also, last year’s winners:
http://www2.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2005.htm
With my personal favorite:
“Captain Burton stood at the bow of his massive sailing ship, his weathered face resembling improperly cured leather that wouldn’t even be used to make a coat or something.”
Bryan Semrow
Oshkosh, WI
And that’s all for now.
Related posts:July 13th, 2006 Katie Alender
