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It’s that time of year again! The results of the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton contest are in! If you’ve never heard of it, it’s a “writing” contest where people submit worst first lines of imaginary novels.
It actually takes a lot of skill to write so badly and well all at the same time. Here are my two favorites, both from the “Miscellaneous Dishonorable Mentions” section:
His chest glistened like a pumpkin seed, either one fresh out of the pumpkin but with all the orange strands of pumpkin flesh removed, or one straight out of the oven after being coated in just the right amount of oil and then baked; the point is that it was smooth, fairly shiny, and that color.
Jesse Kolman
Phoenix, AZ
Leaning back comfortably in a plush old chair, feet up, fingers laced behind his head, Tom Chambers inventoried his life and with a satisfied grin mused, “Ah, marlin fishing off the coast of Majorca, a bronze star for that rescue mission in Jamir, the unmatched fragrance of pastries fresh out of the oven at Café Legrande, two sons who would make any father proud . . . I’ve never done any of that.”
Ernie Santilli
Drexel Hill PA
Find the whole shebang right here.
Related posts:June 30th, 2010 Katie Alender
