Blog RSS FeedEar drops are nothing like eye drops.
(This was brought over from my old MySpace blog.)
Current mood: uncomfortable
Category: Life
I have a new writing blog up: Slightly Savage. Possibly the whiniest one ever.
Why, you ask?
Because of my ear infection, I answer! My horrible, horrifying, horrid ear infection. I hate it. And you know what else I hate?
Ear drops!
Oh, sure, they seem so simple. I mean, it’s a little bottle with a dropper nozzle and liquid in it. This isn’t rocket science.
No — it’s HARDER than rocket science. Yeah, there, I said it.
Because with eye drops, you can actually SEE whether the dropper is in the right place before you squeeze it. And then you can SEE the drop going into your eye. But with eardrops, you can’t SEE the earhole. For heaven’s sake! Nobody can see their own earhole. It’s all hidden.
And then when you squeeze it, you think you dropped a drop, but chances are good that you almost dropped a drop and then suctioned it right back into the bottle. Yeah. We’ve all done that six or eight times.
And then, when you miraculously do get the drop out of the bottle and into your earhole, does it make like an eyedrop, that model of ocular industry, and spread out to right your otinary (I’m guessing on that word) wrongs?
NO! It just sits there! For, like, hours! And I asked my sister-in-law, who had eardrops a few months ago and clearly held all her heartache inside, the doing of which I am not capable, how to get your eardrops to get in and do their job.
I’m going to paraphrase:
“You just grab the most painful part of your body — probably your ear, considering it’s infected — and you pinch it and shake it around until you’re in so much pain that you pass out, hopefully sideways, in which case it will only be forty or fifty minutes until the eardrops worm their way down into your ears.”
So, yeah, I don’t want to do that.
But I have to, every four hours, for the rest of my life!!!!
No, just for the rest of today and three more days.
Light a candle for me. Or, better yet, direct a supplication to the attention of Saint Cornelius or Saint Polycarp, who are the patron saints against earache.
Do it. Do it! There are evil drops in my ears!
Related posts:March 4th, 2007 Katie Alender
