Blog RSS FeedIt was a dark and stormy… CONTEST!
Ah, it’s that time of year! Bulwer-Lytton Worst First Line contest results are out (CLICK HERE to read them all)! This is a contest held every year in which entrants try to write the worst possible first line to a novel. A Paperback Writer had the link posted over yonder on her blog. I have to say, maybe I’m not in a laugh out loud mood today, but usually there are at least three or four that make me snort. This year, not so much.
Here are a few of my favorites from this year’s list of winners (…and keep reading for THE CONTEST!):
The serrated butter knife tossed capriciously onto the 38th Street sidewalk amid the detritus of Salem cigarette butts and a Mentos box was devoid of zero trans fat margarine, but glinted invitingly in the sunlight nonetheless, poised for the opportunity to be repurposed to cut up a Snuggie, and Vladimir took it.
Amy E. Gross
Fair Lawn, NJ
After quickly scrutinizing the two dangerously buff men coming toward her in the dark and wondering whether she could take them both out, P.I. Velma Plusch mentally inventoried her arsenal-two pistols, two stiletto-clad feet, two leather-gloved hands, two each eyes, ears, lips, and breasts-and decided that she could.
Donna Kain, Ph.D.
Greenville, NC
She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida – the pink ones, not the white ones – except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn’t wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren’t.
Eric Rice
Sun Prairie, WI
So… CONTEST TIME!
Let’s talk LAST LINES. Or, to be more general, endings. To enter this contest, do one of the following things:
(1) In the style of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, hit me with your worst LAST line for a book; or
(2) Tell me about a book ending that really resonated with you (bonus points if it’s mine–HA, just kidding)
WHAT YOU WIN: An autographed copy of BAD GIRLS DON’T DIE, an eye pillow and a tote bag, which I will custom make based on your taste in fabrics. If you already have any portion of these items, you can angel them to someone else. Won’t that be fun? Aren’t you such a generous person!
HOW TO WIN: Everyone who comments with one of the two entry styles above will be entered in a drawing. One entry per person. Writing a worst last line gives you a chance to be shouted-out and glorified in front of everyone else, though.
THE DEETS: The contest ends at 11:59 p.m. Pacific Friday, July 10. Unfortunately, only folks in the U.S. and Canada can win the actual prizes… but if you’re international, how about entering anyway and gifting your prize to somebody Stateside?
Please come play! Hurray!
Related posts:- I take on the dark and stormy night.
- Questionable beginnings…
- Bulwer-Lytton 2006
- Baby quilt: "Adelaide’s Birds"
July 2nd, 2009 Katie Alender
An ending that resonated with me? How about one that resonated with the whole world! The end of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, more specifically the epilogue, was one of the most talked about topics among my friends for months after the book came out. While it had it’s good points (I loved learning Harry’s kids’ names), it was extremely anticlimactic, in my opinion.
It\’s often referred to online as the “crapilogue”, but it was powerful. The vast majority of Harry Potter fans will always remember the last line: “All was well.”
An ending that really resonated with me comes from a book a recently finished reading, IN THE LAKE OF THE WOODS by Tim O’Brien.
The main character, John Wade, has just lost an election, which increases the friction he has been having with his wife, Kathy.
In the end, and I hope this doesn’t ruin the book for you if you haven’t read it, O’Brien leads the reader to believe John kills his wife, but there is so much doubt, the ending could be read both ways. I reread the last several pages over a few times and the ending, to me, was completely ambiguous.
As a Fairy Godmother, may I add more of your books to the contest?
(Bad last line, just made up, for no story in particular)
I leaped towards Bobby, who held his finger lingeringly above the button. He smiled wickedly and snickered for a nano-moment. Just as I reached for his face, ready to throttle him, he simply dropped his finger. The nukes exploded in a fury of heat, pain and—
It was all a dream.
THE END!
The last line from Elizabeth Scott’s book Perfect You is the only last line that I really can’t forget, I think it’s simply wonderful especially the line “I know”. I don’t know why I love it but I do:) Anyway, I would love to be entered in this contest and I hope I win! Thanks for holding this contest:)
Isn’t the worst ending ever, “And then [insert pronoun here] woke up?”
For a resonant ending, I have to go with Marilynne Robinson and Gilead: “…This whole town does look like whatever hope becomes after it begins to weary a little, then weary a little more. But hope deferred is still hope. I love this town. I think sometimes of going into the ground here as a last wild gesture of love–I too will smolder away the time until the great and general incandescence…”
The most boring last line ever:
“Then they all lived happily ever after.”
Where’s the fun in that?
An ending that resonated with me…
The ending of ‘Wizard of the Grove’ by Tanya Huff resonated with me strongly. Without giving away what happens (I recommend that its read if you like fantasy) Crystal, the MC (more or less), finds what she had been looking for all her life, but the cost of which is the burden for those who loved her to bear.
Her mother, upon hearing about the choice made reacts thusly: Tayer felt the tug of a baby’s lips upon her breast. Smelled the soft scent of sunlight on silver hair as a child snuggled on her lap in the garden. Saw a girl stand to face an ancient evil, green eyes blazing defiance. Heard the voice of a young woman who shared her heart.
Everytime I read it, without a doubt, I tear up and can feel the pain that Tayer, the mother, must have felt. How strong her will must have been to not scream in pain and frustration that her daughter had made a different choice. How unselfish she must have been to realize that Crystal was happier with her choice and that she couldn’t change it.
Worst last line I have ever read:
“I sneezed all over him.”
“I ripped the sticky note off the bulletin board and read, ‘Oh, BTW, the cat threw up in the litter box again.’”
Thanks for the neat contest! Good luck everyone!
Okay, it’s not really a BAD ending per se but I really didn’t enjoy the last line and ending over all of The Grapes of Wrath. It’s like WTH? That’s IT??? After everything they went through???
As for one that resonated with me…I love the end of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It’s great.
-Lauren
And so, after a decade of heartbreaking separation, Brian and Sylvie were finally reunited to their great joy, and they enjoyed four days of blissful togetherness too, until Brian, on his way to buy Sylvie a bag of Thompson seedless grapes was crushed and killed by a coal truck.
(I know I can’t win — back in Scotland! But I’d happily pass on my gift; the honor would suffice.)
pretty funny, katie, i posted all the winners, too
sorry, no time for your last line atm
Okay, here’s my attempt at the worst last line – ever.
But, alas, it was merely a vividly experienced dream, where the allusion that was surprisingly witnessed seemed so incredibly real to him, so happily not true, that, irregardless of what may have secretly transpired between Olivia and the creepily mysterious Mr. Alfonso, the affect of the dream was so obviously fake, that it seemed so surprisingly real, but luckily, was not real at all. Or was it…?
Ouch. I think I hurt my brain writing that.
Worst last line:
And then he ate the very last piece of chocolate in the entire world without even giving me a bite.
A book who’s ending stayed with me after I read it? TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY by Jay Asher. In the end, seeing the parallels between two characters (I don’t want to mention names and give things away) and how everything just collides together. The reasoning in the story finally is related to real life, and the main character just gets it, which truly shocked me. I loved it.
Last line:
And as the music swelled to a sky-high crescendo and the birds all around them chirped happily in the background, Leonardo gazed longingly into Clarissa Maria’s violet eyes, his own caramel-colored ones filled with yearning and all the love his swollen heart could possibly fit, and he leaned in and, finally, electric guitars and chirping birds in the background, he kissed her.
As for most resonant ending, I’d have to agree with Jessica. When I closed the book I just sat there for a while thinking about it. I also thought Maeve Binchy’s book Circle of Friends had a great ending – nothing sappy or perfect, but with a little bit of hope. And then they made the movie and they changed it, gave it this stupid, sappy, Hollywood ending that absolutely would not have happened in real life. Totally cheapened it.
i hated the ending of My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult. it was just a huge bucket of EPIC FAILURE. it was so random, and GAH. i hated it. i will come up with something later to add to the contest.
the ending of the warmest december by bernice l. mcfadden really touched me and made me feel like the book was more true to life. it really brough the book full circle
speaking of bringing the book full circle, the outsiders did that cleverly
worst last lines: Fate had brought her to this day, this moment. This moment was the sun of her life. Now she knew that all other moments in her life were merely planets, trapped in this moment’s infinite gravitational pull, yet never able to touch its splendor. And as he leaned in to kiss her, a kiss that she had been imagining since their introduction, she felt a tingle in her left arm. Then a pang in her chest. She went the way of Michael Jackson later that evening. High cholesterol is a killer.
tashiluvsu at live dot com
An ending that resounded with me is the ending of Bridge to Terabithia. It was the first book that ever made me cry.
Worst line: They all died, the end.
lol, that was fun.
Laina1312@gmail.com
First of all I’m not even sure what the date is or even what time it is. My computer is stuck in the twilight zone of travel and someday I’ll remember that jet lag and alcohol don’t mix.
Any way here’s bad last line for you.
Even though she was sixteen, pregnant, and unmarried, Tiffany knew she would be a successful model, actress, and author some day, because it always happens that way in Danielle Steele books, doesn’t it?
Oh well, I know I won’t win but frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!
Here is my epic fail of a last line:
At last, at the loss of much ectoplasm and bodily fluids, the army of belligerent specters bent on the annihilation of Earth’s living inhabitants had been banished to the spirit dimension by the brave and buff members of the human resistance, who now held their slimy ecto-plosion devices and fouled ghostly blades in triumph as trophies of their victorious last stand, unaware of the gelatinous murmurings of revenge from the pits of hell deep beneath their boots.
paradoxrevealed (at) aim (dot) com
This isn’t an attempt at another entry, but now I’m strangely tempted to write the beginning of my epic fail story ending…
And so after slaying the magnificently evil dragon, the prince and his princess lived happily ever after (except for that one time two months later when the dragon’s cousin’s nephew came to seek revenge, thus distracting the prince so that evil gnomes could kidnap the princess, and for a whole year everything was in turmoil and there was that weird thing that happened with this one fairy, but other than that, it was pretty much happily ever after).
And I thought that the ending of Lioness Rampant, the last book in the Song of the Lioness Quartet by Tamora Pierce, was really great. There was enough falling action, and the ending was happy and optimistic. You could imagine the characters’ futures, but really didn’t feel the need to have another installment. It was a really great ending.
I just finished listening to The Summoning Audiobook. Its last line was “Liz, there’s something I need to tell you.”
!
Doesn’t it make you want to read the sequel so badly?
I’m an international blogger, but I’ve got a friend in the States, and I’d like to win this for her.
So, Thanks!
A ending that stayed with me would be the ending of FADE by Lisa Mcmann. To me it was just a perfect ending to a wonderful book. Okay, yes, it was a little cliff hangerish but it was still good!
Haven’t forgotten about it:
Janie blinks and leans against the wall, just in case.
But it’s no one’s dream.
It’s just the end of some things.
And the beginning of others.
Good,right? Perfect ending plus you know there’s more. I love it.
Cool, contest by the way!
And terrible last line would be
Who knows but that, on the lower frequencies, I speak for you? from The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
An ending that stayed with me was from Prophecy of The Sisters by Michelle Zink
I wont give much away but the way the first book ends and the loss that Lea goes through and how she is separated from her sisters stayed with me.
alleyofbooks (at) gmail (dot) com
Honestly? The worst endings are when nothing is resolved. Even worse endings end with ”Then I woke up” or ”I woke up panting for breath. It was a dream.”
It angers me, haha.
truexillusions@aol.com
For you, Katie:
He slapped me then shouted, “Slap yourself!” which I did because this wasn’t the first nor the last time I’d been other-directed self-slapped and I was beyond my amateur status at it by now even though everything else in my life has stopped short of perfection or even near-adequacy, so I heard myself slap, slap, SLAP! and felt pale if not red-faced satisfaction at the love we were going to continue to explore, each in our way, each alone as we forged a life together, strangers stranger than perhaps we were even willing to admit to ourselves or the media, in love though we were, completely and totally forevermore, just us and the dogs and the simple one-legged cat.
The End. Forevermore.
Or is it???
(Going to go take a shower now. I apologize to everyone.)