I’ve just noticed how much I use ellipses in the titles of many of my posts. I guess the word would be “overuse” (oh, snap!).

On topic: it’s time to write a bio for the back jacketflap of Bad Girls Don’t Die. In order to help with this process, I examined the bios in many of the young adult books I have at my home. Here are the many interesting things I can’t say about myself:

Meg Cabot is the author of many best-selling, critically acclaimed books for teens, including the Princess Diaries series.”
Katie Alender is the author of two books, one of which is on the very back burner, if you catch her drift. She has read two books of the Princess Diaries series, and would love to read more but can’t for the life of her figure out what order they go in.

“Longtime friends Yvonne Collins and Sandy Rideout met as teens.”
Katie Alender has friends, even some friends she met as a teen, but, strictly speaking, they did not help her write this book.

Fiona had little to no say about her bat mitvah dress.”
Katie Alender has only been to one bar mitzvah, even though she had to listen to all the popular kids talk about how awesome theirs were. However, the bar mitzvah she did attend (as a senior in high school) was totally awesome and made up for all the ones she never got invited to.

[Robin Brande] is a frequent presenter to girls and young women on topics ranging from public speaking to self-defense.”
Katie Alender has written infomercials on topics ranging from microwavable pizza stones to weight-loss surgery.
(Note to self: ask Robin about public speaking. <-- note: note can also serve as note to Robin to ask me why I was going to ask her about public speaking)

[Charlie Higson] lives in London.”
Katie Alender has been through the Heathrow Airport, which is near London, and where they sell books in vending machines, which is very cool. She hopes that someday her books will be sold in vending machines. All this talk about vending machines is making Katie Alender hungry.

…So you see, I am in sad shape when it comes to this aspect of the project.

(I wonder if I would use ellipses less if instead of typing periods, I typed DOT DOT DOT. I guess I’ll find out DOT DOT DOT)

In other news, I’ve decided I want the first draft of Project X done by St. Patrick’s Day. At the rate I’ve been writing, it should be doable. Plus, if I could stop hitting “snooze” on my alarm clock, I would have an extra fifteen minutes every morning. Also, if I stopped incessantly checking I Has a Hotdog to see if they’ve used a Winston picture, I would have an extra three hours a day.

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11 thoughts on “Katie Alender invented Post-Its.

  • February 12, 2008 at 1:24 pm
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    Ha! Matthew Metlis’ bar mitzvah WAS awesome! I still have the refrigerator magnet picture of you, me and Gini from that (I should scan that and put it online; I’ll let you know if I do). Bar mitzvahs are way more fun to attend when you’re 17 and don’t take them seriously.

    I always think humor is a great way to pad a bio that isn’t full of best-sellers and whatnot.

  • February 12, 2008 at 3:08 pm
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    Hmmm…..what could we say about Katie Alender? We could say that Katie Alender is ruled entirely by a little bundle of fur named Winston and spends time baiting wild animals in sheds with hot dogs. In her spare time, she makes quilts and knockoff skirts in funky cow print fabric. And then close with “She likes long walks on the beach and big sloppy kisses. From her dog, of course.”

    I’d like to note right now for posterity that the word verification thingy under my comment space has three X’s in a row. That’s right, unintentional porn, in YOUR blog. Holla!

  • February 12, 2008 at 3:57 pm
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    Note to Katie: In case this was your question, no, we do NOT picture people in their underwear. Not only is that not relaxing, it’s actually pretty gross.

    Hope that helped.

    And dude, you’re so interesting and fun I can’t believe you’re stressing over your bio. Be free! Say what you want! Who cares if you were never in a Broadway musical like I was–invent!

  • February 12, 2008 at 4:10 pm
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    Everybody can think up weird, cool stuff about themselves! Amber has given you some good tips about what to write on your bio; I’d say take them and run with them! I’d read a book by someone who baited wild animals in her garden shed any day.

  • February 12, 2008 at 4:19 pm
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    By the way, I read all the way to the end of the page. You are SO funny. Who wouldn’t want to be your friend? And/or read your book(s)?

  • February 12, 2008 at 9:45 pm
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    Katie Pooh-

    You might not believe this (or perhaps you will since you are vastly more experienced than I am in this arena) the bio can sometimes be the most difficult part of completion, assuming it’s the last loose end to address. I’m sure you’ll have no problems selecting the most consequential details to include in the jacketflap. Ask the hubby. I’m sure he can help you in some way.

    If there is a picture of Winston being posted somewhere, I want to know about it, please. I don?t get to see enough of my buddy on your blog, so I have resort to other blogs to catch a glimpse [shame on you, Katie;0) LOL!].

    I?m nowhere near finishing Scruffy and the Flasher. Every time I sit down to write I want to take it in a different direction! First it was Ed Asner, then the coke binge, now I?m thinking about changing the setting to outer space (this is where Scruffy and the Flasher originally met, after beating the crap out of the Little Prince).

    I tells ya, a genius? work is never done. LOL!

    BTW, don?t post your bio. I?d like to read it as part of the book.

    Tom

  • February 13, 2008 at 8:56 am
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    I think my bosses at 3M will have something to say about your post’s title.

  • February 13, 2008 at 6:09 pm
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    Hi, Meredith! Oh, please don’t scan anything… ha ha ha. The world might not need to see that.

    Amber, I think yours is way better than what I actually wrote. Except now I feel like I have to tell the hot dog story.

    Robin, that was not my question, but it’s good to know for future reference! Invent the bio, eh? That could be dangerous! Me and the guy who wrote “A Million Little Pieces” or whatever that book is called.

    Mary, just for you I may make that story my next blog entry.

    Robin again, why thank you! *mwah*

    Tom… oh, I believe it! I believe it now. Writing the books isn’t the problem. It’s the little one-paragraph synopsis and the bio and the rest of it that ends up getting you. Unfortunately, there haven’t been any pictures of Winston lately, so I will probably humor you by finding a random cute shot from the archives and posting it here. And keep going on “S&tF”, or “Project Scruff”, which I think is a cool code name for it. That way people on the internet won’t steal your genius idea!… I’ll save the bio for the book. But please don’t get your expectations up too high! ;-)

    Alex, not if you don’t tell them about it! Geez!

  • February 14, 2008 at 1:24 pm
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    Clearly creative writing is needed.

    For example:

    Katie learned to write will serving time in a maximum security clearance prison. or

    Katie is the secret love child of royalty.

  • February 14, 2008 at 6:48 pm
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    Or possibly a combination of the two:

    Katie is the secret love child of royalty who learned to write while visiting her royal parents in maximum-security prison.

    She also invented Post-Its.

  • February 15, 2008 at 10:57 am
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    But it only sounds authentic if you use prison slang. So instead of just serving time, it should be something like “Katie learned how to write while doing a dime in Sing Sing on trumped up RICO charges”.

    ‘Cause I’m just saying, I will BUY that book.

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